It is the night before my daughter Kate would have been 4 years old. And for the most part life has gone on, we have moved on, and we did get our rainbow baby about 18 months after she died. (Although for anyone that knows Zach, rainbow may not quite be the term I'd use!:)
But sometimes, just sometimes, like on Easter morning when things get really quiet and still, I think of that Easter morning four years ago when I gave birth to a beautiful little baby, still warm from her mommy, with her chubby cheeks and her eyes shut tight..everything was so still and quiet. But sadly her spirit was no longer in that sweet, perfect little body.
I really try not to think of the what if's..but in a weak moment and during new adventures I miss her in our family. I am really blessed. Life is good and full of hope...and until we meet again. I do have my pictures...my memories, and I'm trying really hard not to think of the what if's.
Happy Birthday Baby.
This video is a short reminder of the love and kindness that saved me during my grief. I think about these amazing acts almost daily, and still can't talk about it without crying.
4 weeks ago
9 comments:
Oh how I love you all. How grateful I am to call you my family. What a blessing it is to be the Aunt of such a special, special little being. She is never far from our minds, or our hearts. Woke up this morning thinking of you all. This day holds those same feelings for me as well. But what it also holds, is the reminder of what incredible examples you are - you have carried on in Faith and have been a light to us all! I love you Nate, Ally, Ella Bella, and Zachy Boy!! May you feel that today!
My sweet little Claire was sitting on my lap as we watched this... she sobbed the entire way through (as did I). I told her that Kate would be 4 years old today and she responded through her sobs "that means we can be friends!" How excited we are to meet your little angel on the other side and play with our friend. Love you guys and miss you.
This video brought tears to my eyes. Thank you for sharing it. It is such a blessing for us to know that families are forever, so we can see our loved ones again. Love you guys.
What a beautiful tribute! Are we so fortunate to know families are eternal?! Thank you for sharing, Ally!
ally...hey, I'm emily's sister sara...we are in vancouver, I think she told you, we would LOVE to have your family over for dinner, we are just about 20 min. from you guys.
this video is so sweet, wow, I remember when emily told me about this years ago, truly heartbreaking. what a blessing to have the gospel.
email ME: gillespie sara at yahoo dot com
maybe you can snap some shots of my little ones :) I LOVED your pics of Emily's kids.
Hey Girly, I was so excited to get in contact with you and catch up on life. Then I read this post and watched the beautiful clip and literaly cried the rest of the night. You truely are amazing! It's times like that when we really have to rely on the Gospel, our faith, and strength from those good people who surround us. I'm sorry! We also have a Kate (we spell it Caite), I saw her in a different light this morning when she woke up.
Change of subject: You photogphy is amazing! How long have you been doing it? What took you to Portland? Maybe I just need to spend more time stocking your blog to get caught up.
We are hanging in Little Rock, Arkansas (who would have thought we would like it here?!). We have another year here, then hoping to finish up with a Pediatric Critical Care Fellowship in SLC. Going through Medical School, and Residency with Aaron has been a long haul, but we have loved it. We lived in the Caribbean for 2 years on 2 different islands (Grenada and St. Vincent) then we moved to Michigan and now here. I think we have added a kid with every move.
You are one of those people who I think of often and say "I wonder what happened to her." Now I don't have to wonder.
You are still as beautiful as ever and you have a beautiful family! Love ya girl!
dude. i love you. thanks for sharing, these pics are soooo sweet. max is totally confused as to why i am watching this video bawling. he thinks i'm such a weirdo. anyway, miss you like crazy and love this post!! come visit soon! actually, i would rather visit you. there we go.
Wow four years...Watching this video again brings back so many emotions. You and Nate have taught us all so much. It makes me sad to think that Aubree and Kate and Claire could of been such cute friends. They will have to look forward to that friendship. Thanks for the sweet reminder of the importance of our eternal families.
I saw your comment on "sunshine in my soul" & I had to see your story. One thing sticks out to me. You said something about in a "weak moment", YOU ARE NOT EVER WEAK, you are amazing. I watched your sweet video & sobbed the whole way through. I really do feel pain in my heart for you going through such a difficult thing. These babies are so precious & pure it is nice to have a reminder to appreciate the gift of Motherhood. Thank-you for sharing. May you have the wings you need whenever you should need them to carry you through.
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